Most everyone enjoys romanticizing the process of falling in love. As a human race, we capture these experiences and share the commonalities in song, literature, and my favorite, stand-up comedy. A phenomenon that caught my eye is the Twin Flame Dynamic, it is described as intense, spiritual, and life-changing. As I stumbled through my own Twin Flame debacle, I wondered, is this just a more whimsical explanation of love gone wrong by glamorizing it as a Twin Flame instead of taking personal accountability for unhealed trauma?
Finding a kindred spirit who is also on the Twin Flame journey is liberating. You are able to reveal your most intimate experiences that no one else can understand. Specifically, the Lifecyle of this type of love story. This passionate romance rolls out in a very predictable, Twin Flamey, kind of way. In the beginning, it’s magical, almost as if you met your clone, you are aware that this is a very different type of encounter. Once familiarity has set in, struggles within the relationship begin creeping up that test your moral compass and boundaries. Conflict intensifies, but you can’t seem to break the bond and leave each other until the heartbreak phase when you separate from your beloved twin. Legend has it that this separation is only temporary, it should only be long enough for you both to come to the realization that you can’t live without each other. You submit to the fact that you have met your person and you fall into union, living happily ever after.
Grant it, this is an oversimplified description of the Twin Flame experience. However, when you meet your twin, the goal is to mirror flaws within both of you that assist each other to identify personal pathologies to improve behavioral patterns. This only works if both of you are on the same page of self-healing. More times than not, this type of relationship continues to traumatize each partner because one partner is blind to self-correcting.
A common theme is the runner/chaser dynamic, where one partner runs away from the relationship and the other partner chases. We can analyze this behavior through two different lenses, the clinical and spiritual. Using clinical methodologies, we apply the Avoidant attachment style to the runner who is fearful of commitment, steers away from intimacy, and lacks the ability to be vulnerable. The chaser in this situation may have an Anxious Style Attachment and blows up your phone with 57 texts wondering why you haven’t contacted them. This is classic Twin Flame conduct, but does it confirm a spiritual connection or just unhealthy relationship skills?
From a spiritual perspective, the best bet for union is for the chaser to implement the Buddhist approach and let go of the ego’s need for a reconnection since the root of suffering is attachment. When the unhealthy ego disappears, it allows the runner to feel safe enough to return. That’s the theory anyway.
I love the fairytale-ness of the Twin Flame Journey because it provides a narrative for the heartbroken and perhaps a roadmap to a deeper understanding of why the relationship failed. There is a downside though when you adopt this label and only focus on reuniting, remember the main purpose for a Twin Flame is self-improvement.
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