Welcome to my very wordy therapeutic purge of my Dark Night of the Soul Journey. This cautionary chronicle of unrequited love, conflict and struggle will be incrementally released over period of time providing the backstory of my inspired memes. These memes are a form of journaling and work through my trauma and shame in a public forum. (So dear reader, thank you for humoring me.)
I will begin this tale starting with the end of the story because it is a triumphant account, reveling in the fact that most heart wrenching toxic relationships can lead to inspiring life-changing epiphanies.
Who would have "thunk" I would be disclosing my thoughts about matters of the heart but here I am! Sharing, processing, and accepting the fact I am human, vulnerable to emotions, which let's be honest, surprised the shit out of me. Before any of this happened, I believed feelings were mythical illusions, I'm writing this as a record to provide validation for anyone who is trying to navigate their way out their own "Dark Night" journey.
At this juncture of my life, I am very content. I know some people might look on at me with pity because the clock is ticking, I'm on the older side, single and somewhat overwhelmed with responsible but balanced in my headspace.
( Yes, I do understand my balanced headspace could be debated…challenge accepted.)
I'm not going to lie, the path to get here was awful. It's very difficult saying good-bye to a romantic relationship that I once thought would be my last and forever partner. This event is defined as one of those moments where you look back and think, "I am so glad my wish, prayer, whatever it was, never came to fruition". Even though I spent many nights in mental anguish, the kind of torture only people in love experience wondering, "WTF is going on?! Is he crazy, am I crazy? Analyzing and hoping the madness of this union would stop and this connection would transform into a beautiful partnership.
I constantly searched google, read books, and watched videos for the missing puzzle piece that would fix our broken relationship. I became an expert on a plethora of personality disorders, attachment styles and love languages.
(Totally agree, I was a crazy person)
To my astonishment, (attention: reader, brace yourself…sit down if you need too…) I discovered the antidote to resolve any highly conflicted relationship. The cure will never be found in the external world. The solution is strangely simple…it is has always been within my soul…the situation changes when your perception changes. I know the words on this page emerge like high-end spiritual gobbley-gook but as outrageous as it sounds, I transformed my anxiety, fear and confusion into calm stillness, I learned to let go of what I wanted and conceded to the universe that this situation was completely out of my control.
My takeaway? I learned relationships don't always lead to a happily ever after, sometimes they form inseparable bonds that drag you kicking a screaming through an emotional roller coaster until you walk away a stronger, more compassionate, better version of yourself.
Damn, I had a spiritual awakening. I think religious people title this phenomenon as "Surrendering to the Divine". Maybe that's what this was…I still don't know how to verbally conceptualize it, because I never thought I was capable of undergoing such a profound life-changing encounter.
Thank you for reading, I hope you continue following the Lessons I learn on my Dark Night of the Soul Journey. There will be updates that chronically the shenanigans that ensued from discovering lies, spying in the bushes and midnight escapades.
Below are links to media that have been meaningful to me through this awakening process:
Destination Wedding DESTINATION WEDDING Official Trailer (2018) Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Romance Movie HD
(Side Note: Below is a link to the first song my person ever sang to me, while he was doing this I thought my search was over, I met the one. I was very wrong. It's hilarious now)
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